


She Couldn't Lose Again

by Johnstonmara353



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23564761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johnstonmara353/pseuds/Johnstonmara353
Summary: She couldn’t lose someone else she cared about. She blamed herself for Amy’s death. Now she was worried that Daryl’s blood would also be on her hands.
Relationships: Andrea/Daryl Dixon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	She Couldn't Lose Again

She Couldn’t Lose Again

Andrea/Daryl

Summary: She couldn’t lose someone else she cared about. She blamed herself for Amy’s death. Now she was worried that Daryl’s blood would also be on her hands. 

How could she have been so stupid? Firing that damn rifle when she knew good and well she couldn’t see. The sun reflected off the scope lens. But at the moment, she saw a walker. Why hadn’t she listened when Dale told her to put the gun down? He had screamed at her to stop. Rick had told her to wait. But she was so sure. Why did she have to prove herself? What did she have to prove to anyone? She could have waited. Could have waited for the walker to be closer. Could have waited for Dale to give her the go ahead. He had the binoculars. She could have asked him to check. But she chose not to. She chose to go on her own gut feeling. Now everyone hates her. Blames her. Judges her. Not that she cared if they liked her or not. Or if they could even tolerate her. But now they would all know that his death was her fault. She killed him. She killed him because she wanted to play Annie Oakley on top of the RV.  
She waited on the porch for any news. Pacing back and forth before finally taking a seat on the steps. All she could do is wait. Hoping for some good news soon. Not that she was expecting them to tell her anything. If it were the other way around, she would probably treat them the same way. She would probably judge them just as harshly. And she can’t even say that they were wrong. She blamed herself.  
So she sat on that old wooden porch and prayed. Spoke to God more in those hours than she had in all the years she had been alive. Asking him for just one favor. The tears still streaming down her face. The pain in her chest making it hard for her to breath. She gasped for every breath, but little air filled her lungs. This wasn’t the same pain that she felt when Amy died. This pain was different. It felt as if her heart was being ripped from her chest. As the pain increased, so did her tears. The only thoughts that ran through her mind was that he was dead. And they weren’t telling her. Leaving her wondering whether should would see him again or not. Whether she would talk to him again.  
Andrea was pulled from her thoughts by the screen door banging shut behind her. The sound echoing in her ears. She flinched. Her entire body tensing. Afraid of who was coming out to tell her the news. Afraid she was about to receive the wrath of the entire group. She was almost wishing that she had stayed in the CDC when it exploded. None of this would have happened if she would have just stayed in that building.  
As she glanced behind her, Dale handed her a bottle of water and sat next to her. Placing a hand on her back to calm the tears. His hand was solid against her back. A familiar felling. He was the reason she was here. He was the reason she was still alive. How much of that was he regretting now? Did he regret pulling her out of that building? “Just tell me,” she whispered. She couldn’t look at him. Didn’t want to see his face when he told her. couldn’t bare to see the blame he held towards her.  
Dale shook his head, smirking a little. “He’s fine. You just grazed him. His real injuries came from the fall he took in the woods.”  
If it was possible, Andrea cried harder. Dropping the unopened bottle of water to the porch steps. Her hands covering her face. “I almost killed him.”  
Dale tightened his arm around her back. Pulling her closer to him. Doing his fatherly duties. Trying to protect her from herself. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. We’ve all wanted to shoot Daryl at one point.”  
Andrea knew he wanted to make her feel better. Wanted to make her smile just a little. But her heart still ached. “What the hell is wrong with me?”  
Dale nudged her leg. Ignoring the question that she knew he had no answer to. “He was asking for you when I left. He’s been asking for you since Hershel started bandaging him up.”  
Andrea shook her head. How was she going to face him? How was she going to walk past everyone to see him? “I can’t face anyone right now.”  
Dale suddenly pulled her to her feet. Grabbing her by the shoulders. Trying to force her to look at him. To see someone that doesn’t blame her for what happened. “If you want to see him, I’ll get everyone out of there.”  
Andrea turned sharply. Her tears finally stopped. “I want to see him.”

Dale had kept his promise. It took another hour, but he finally got everyone into the kitchen of the house and pulled Andrea into the living room. He nudged her closer to the door, smirking as she smacked his hand away. She could hear everyone in the other room talking. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it was probably about her. Probably choosing who would be the one to ask her to leave.  
When she opened the door, the first thing she saw was Hershel. He didn’t look up when the door opened. Didn’t say anything, but that was Hershel. He would talk when he didn’t to. She glanced at the man laying in the bed. His body bruised. He had dirt covering most of his body. Mud stuck in his already brown hair. But he looked peaceful. Daryl was asleep in the bed with Hershel standing over him taking his vitals once more. But she couldn’t move from the door. She was afraid of being told to leave.  
Hershel glanced at the door. Smiling at her. Motioning for her to close the door. “Come in and sit down, Andrea. He might be asleep for a little while.”  
Andrea took a seat in the chair closest to Daryl, but didn’t say anything. Her eyes focused on the body in front of her. He had bruises on his face. Dark bruises on his naked chest. Scratches and abrasions littered his body. But she focused on the bandage on his forehead. The mark she had given him. The scar he would have for the rest of his life to remind him what she did.  
“He’s been bugging the fire out of me to come look for you. For some reason he was worried about you. Said something had got you.”  
Andrea barely made eye contact with the older man, but the confusion on her face was apparent. She didn’t know what he was talking about either. She had seen Daryl since the day before. He left to look for Sophia, but he never came back. He was always back before dark. And nobody seemed worried. No one went to look for him.  
“I never figured out what he was talking about. He just kept saying he needed me to go find you. That he needed to know you were okay.”  
Andrea took Daryl’s hand. Carefully avoiding the cuts and bruises. “He’s gonna be okay?” She asked through her tears. Brushing her fingertips along his knuckles. Trying to feel a part of him. Feeling his warm hand. He was still alive. He was still with her.  
Hershel nodded, smiling softly at the worried blonde. Andrea knew the older man was fond of her. She wasn’t much older than his oldest child. He knew she was more fragile than she allowed others to believe. “He’s gonna be just fine. He just needs to rest. The fall he took in the woods caused one of his arrows to pierce his side. I had to give him six stitches. Besides that, he’s just a little dehydrated.”  
Hershel moved to leave the room. Leaving his bag on the floor by the bed in case he needed it again. “Is it all right if I stay? I know Maggie doesn’t want me in the house,” she whispered.  
Hershel just shook his head and smiled. “This is my home. You stay with him as long as you want. If they have a problem with it, they can leave. You focus on forgiving yourself. Don’t focus on whether they blame you or not.” He nodded to Daryl. “He doesn’t blame you.”  
She wiped a hand through her hair. Her bottom lip quivering as a fresh wave of tears began. “No offense, but he doesn’t know that I shot him yet. Wait for me to tell him and then see how he reacts.”  
“I told him,” he replied. “He was awake and lucid throughout most of the cleaning and stitching of his wounds. He asked what happened. He could remember Rick helping him into the house and he could hear you screaming. But that’s all he could remember. I told him that you thought he was a walker and fired the shot.”  
“I should have been the one to tell him,” Andrea whispered. She scooted closer to the bed. Pulling his hand to her chest. Allowing her tears to run down her face and onto his skin.  
Hershel chuckled. “All he said about it was that you must be a really lousy shot.” And with that he was out the door. Leaving her to wallow in self pity.  
Andrea watched Daryl sleep for a while. Thinking about all the things she hadn’t told him. All the things she wanted him to know. Things she wanted him to know about her. She wanted him to know her favorite color, her favorite subject in school, and the trouble she used to get into with Amy. She wanted him to know how she met Dale. How he had saved her. She wanted him to know how she felt about him. How much she cared. How much she admired his strength and determination.  
After the third hour of sitting in the chair, and Hershel checking on her twice, Andrea stood and walked around to the other side of the bed. Carefully pulling the covers back and climbing in next to the man she nearly killed. She cuddled to his side. Brushing her fingers along the arm that was uninjured. She kissed his shoulder; allowing her lips to linger on his skin a moment longer than necessary. “I’m so sorry, Daryl. I’m so sorry,” she whispered against his skin.  
A scuff came from the injured man next to her. He coughed a little as he tried to sit up. Pulling his arm from the woman’s grasp. Andrea quickly pushed him back down. If he tore his stitches he could get it infected. He would get sick. And he would probably die. “Please, lay back down.” He immediately stopped trying to sit up upon hearing her voice. He was trying to get up to go find her and that broke her heart even more. “You’re okay,” she whispered.  
Daryl opened his eyes, his blue orbs focusing on her green ones. He relaxed back against the pillows. Grabbing her hand before settling. He moaned as he turned his head to look at her. Needing to see that she was all right. That everything he saw in his head and heard out in the woods was just his imagination. “You shot me, Princess,” he coughed. Shaking his head.  
The tears began to fall again. Her breath catching in her throat. Her chest wanting to explode from the pain that was ripping through it. She tried to pull her hand away from his, but he wouldn’t let go. “I...I’m...” she couldn’t form the words that she had been repeating for the last six hours. The words that now seemed useless and meaningless.  
He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. You missed, I should be pissed about it. I thought I taught you better than that.”  
Andrea covered her face with her free hand. Wanting nothing more than to dig a hole out behind the barn and hid in it until the walkers finally come for her. “I’m sorry. I...”  
“It’s okay. And if I hear you say how sorry you are again I’m gonna ask Hershel for more of those feel good drugs,” he said, tugging her hand closer to him.  
She was hesitant to move closer to him. Daryl’s attitude towards most people could change frequently. She was waiting for that change. For him to tell her to get the hell out. “I only said it once,” she whispered between sobs.  
“No, you said it over and over again sitting in that chair.”  
She brought her hand away from her face. Allowing him to see her sorrow. She needed him to see how much she was hurting over what she had done. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”  
He shook his head, still smiling. “Too bad. Now, can you please stop apologizing?”  
She nodded and started to get out of bed. Pulling her hand from his grasp. “I’ll leave you to rest. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”  
Daryl brought his hand down hard on the side of the bed. Trying to get her attention. To force her to stop what she was thinking. “Would you lay your blonde, stubborn ass down?”  
Andrea paused for a moment, but kicked her boots off and crawled back into the bed to lay next to the man that looked as if he had been hit by a truck. She would do anything he wanted her to do. She would do anything to rid herself of the guilt that was eating away at her soul. She had never hurt another human being. She was a civil rights lawyer; she was supposed to help people. “Hershel said you asked for me. You said that he needed to make sure I was okay,” she whispered more to herself than to the man laying next to her.  
Daryl turned on his right side to face the blonde. Shifting slowly as to not rip the stitches under his ribs. After a few minutes of adjusting his body to the most comfortable position for his injuries, he reached for her. Nudging her chin to look at him. Once he could look into her eyes, no matter how red and watery they were, he spoke. “I fell about fifty feet, knocked myself out, and apparently stabbed myself with my own fucking arrow. After I hit my head...” He looked away for a moment, but continued speaking. “After I hit my head, I kept hearing you yelling; calling out for me. You needed help. But I couldn’t find you.”  
Andrea slowly brought her hand to his cheek. Feeling the stubble and dirt. She had expected him to jerk away or yell at her for trying to baby him. Instead he leaned into her touch. Turning his face to kiss the palm of her hand. He wasn’t angry with her. He was terrified for her. He knew what this would mentally do to her. She was tearing herself apart and it terrified him. She remembers the look on his fdace at the CDC when she wanted to stay. He hadn’t said anything about it. But she could still see his face when she closed her eyes. His heart had broken. She hadn’t even realized it at the time. She was focused on getting Dale out of the building. But now she could see it. She had broken his heart when she gave up. When she was willing to leave and never come back.  
“I should have gone with you. You should have never been out there alone.” She was talking about more than just looking for Sophia in the woods. She was talking about every time he had looked at her in that certain way. His eyes begging for her to follow, but she never did. She never looked at him long enough to notice.  
“Maybe, but it happened and it’s over,” he whispered. Bringing his hand to her waist and pulling her to him. Her chest against his. Her face buried in his neck. He knew she wasn’t talking just about the woods. He knew she could see it. She knew everything he had been trying to tell her, but could never find the words to say. “You’re my only friend. The only one I trust around here. The only one that can make rational decisions for the good of this group. The only one, besides Dale, that still has a conscious. You worry more about everyone else than you do yourself.” His hand tangles in her hair, pulling her further into his body. Feeling her tears running down his naked chest.“You made a mistake. That’s all this was.”  
Andrea pulled away. Letting him brush her tears away with his fingertips. “You should hate me.”  
“If I wasn’t so fuckin’ tired, smelly, and filthy, I would show you just how much I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I’m not giving you a gun anytime soon, but there’s no hate here.”  
He watched a small smile reach her lips. “Daryl Dixon, are you making a pass at me?” She was calmer now. She was always calmer when she was around Daryl. She could be herself. She didn’t have to prove anything. She didn’t need to even say anything. He would just allow her to be there with him.  
He laughed. “I’ll make a pass at you later. Right now, we need to sleep.”  
“I need to go back to my tent,” she whispered.  
His grip tightened in her hair. “I don’t think so. You’re stay right here.”  
Andrea’s body tensed. Sh couldn’t face everyone when they discovered that after shooting their friend; she slept with him. How could she explain that? “I can’t. Everyone will want to see you tomorrow. They’ll find me sleeping in here.”  
“I don’t give a fuck what they think. Hershel told you to stay. I want you to stay. What those people think don’t mean anything to me. Lori’s cheating on her husband with Shane. She’s pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is. Rick is only in charge when he wants to be. Shane is slowly losing his damn mind. Carol is a basket case from losing Sophia, which who could blame her? And Dale is paranoid all the time because Shane is being a sneaky bastard. They have no right to judge you for a mistake that I have forgiven.”  
Andrea ran her hand through his hair and against his cheek. “Thank you.”  
“Don’t thank me. Just stay here.”  
She laid her head against his shoulder. Nuzzled her face into his neck. Even with the dirt, he still smelled like Daryl. That comforting woody smell that she had missed so much.  
“I’m gonna take that as a yes.” Daryl laid against the pillows, pulling her into his chest. He tilted her chin up to catch her smile. “I’m gonna kiss you.”  
Andrea inhaled sharply. She felt his lips move against hers. Sucking her bottom lip between his teeth. Eliciting a moan from her. He tasted of sweat and Daryl. She couldn’t describe it any other way. The scent of him was surrounding her. Intoxicating her. “God, Daryl,” she moaned.  
“I like that sound,” he said, nipping at her lips. Moving to suck on the skin behind her ear. “I wonder how many more sounds I can get outta ya.” Daryl pulled away slightly, looking at her. Her lips swollen and wet. Her pupils dilated. She was aroused.  
“You need to rest,” she whispered. She laid her head back on his chest. Feeling his bare skin against hers. Taking deep breaths to calm the arousal that was settling in the pit of her stomach.  
Daryl kissed the top of her head. Tucking the covers around her. “We can talk tomorrow.”  
“I didn’t know you were the talking kind,” she muttered.  
He nuzzled his nose in her hair. “When it matters, it’s worth talking about.”  
Daryl couldn’t see her face. But he could feel her body start to relax against his. Could feel her heart beat begin to slow. He assumed she had already dozed off when he whispered ‘I love you’ in her ear. He also never saw the smile that graced her lips as she dozed off into a peaceful sleep.


End file.
